Funerals are a hard thing to deal with at any age, But when is the right age to take a child to one? my nan passed away at the end of August and Bodhi ( Who is 5 1/2 years old ) was very close with her.
We visit her most weeks in her care home and to him she was another nanny rather then a grand-nan.
Towards the end of my nan's live she grew more Frail and sleepy i stopped taking Bodhi to visit a few weeks before she passed as i didn't want him to remember her like this. So when i told Bodhi that Granny had died he was sad but he understood that it meant she was no longer in any pain.
In 2016 we lost of a lot of family members so death was something we had already spoken about with Bodhi and we explained it that they had gone to live in the clouds ( as both myself and husband Chris doesn't really believe in God or the after life in terms of heaven and hell )
When i asked Bodhi if he wanted to come and say good bye to Granny he did have a few questions.
" will we see Granny ? "
" Do I have to cry ? "
" will i miss school "
" Can i stand up and say some nice things about Granny "
my answers
" No, ( this idea had come about thanks to American cartoons such as simpsons who have open casket funerals ) Granny will be inside of a casket so we won't see her "
" If you feel like you want to cry then thats fine, It's also fine if you don't cry "
" Yes you will miss the afternoon of school " ( to this he did a little happy dance and i *might* have gotten cross )
" why don't you tell me what you'd like to say and we can write it down and someone else can read your words out? " The thought of 5 year old Bodhi standing up in a funeral talking about his Granny was too much ! I'd have broken.
So when the date of the funeral came around we sent Bodhi off to school as normal and reminded the school office that i'd be picking him up after lunch. Once i picked him up we got him half changed ( School trousers and shoes are perfect funeral wear ) I had ordered him a plain black school jumper for £3 from asda online He looked smart but was comfy.
ON the drive over we spoke about what would happen at the crematorium and told him that it would be like a school assembly, with time for listening and some signing and you had to sit still and not talk. Bodhi asked if we would have to sit on the floor like in school !
The funeral was very short and only lasted around 20 minutes and Bodhi sat really well and held my hand, I was so proud of him and how grown up he was behaving. He didn't cry but he did tell me later that he was sad when listening to all of the stories about Granny.
Afterwards we headed to a local pub and had a little buffet dinner , Now this was when things started to go down hill as i was busy talking to family so didn't take too much notice of what Bodhi was eating , Turns out x3 cookies a cream tea scone , slice of carrot cake and a strawberry tart will send your 5 year old on a sugar rush.
We looked at photos of Granny together and he spoke to family about things he remembers about her and over all i feel that we did the right thing in taking Bodhi to say his goodbyes, Over all though ? Its 100% down to the child.
tips
1) Make sure your child has eaten before the ceremony
2) make sure your child has been to the toilet before the ceremony !!
3) talk to your child , explaining what till happen on the day. I forgot to say about the curtain and Bodhi why they were shutting
4) make sure you have the support of your other half or family on talking your child, IF your husband thinks its a bad idea to take them and they end up having a melt down, they will not help and pull that horrid " I told you so face "
5) do what you think is right for your family and children if you don't think they are ready to be in that kind of environment then don't take them.
I hope this might help others and if you have just lost a loved one then i am sorry.
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